Asuka Sorhyu Langely: Introspection
by A-kun
Summary: Asuka ponders over her life and decides to fight, rather than let her depression get to her. WAFFy ending. One person said this was written from the soul.


What is this feeling?  
  
Why does it make me feel so strange?  
  
Eva....  
  
It is what I pilot. But, it scares me.  
  
Misato....  
  
Sometimes she's my best friend. Other times, she acts just like everyone else.  
  
Kaji....  
  
He's the sort of guy that I thought I liked. He was so sincere and actually cared. Not like my foster parents. Of course, I have to say that I don't think I honestly gave them a chance to get close to me.  
  
Ritsuko....  
  
I've seen her softer side. But, she keeps it under heavy shielding. I'm not sure even a Prog Knife could get through without snapping a few times.  
  
Gendo....  
  
Bastard. Cold and simple. Cares more about Wonder Girl than me or Shinji.  
  
Maya, Makoto and Shigeru.....  
  
They're not that bad. They can be pretty nice. But, like me, they have a 'Down to Business' side too.  
  
Touji and Kensuke....  
  
Bakas. If they weren't boys or perverts, I might like them.  
  
Hikari.....  
  
She's a little dense at times, especially when you bring up Touji, but she's a good friend to have.  
  
Rei.....  
  
Wonder Girl. I've seen her cold as ice act thousands of times, but when Shinji's in danger, her face comes alive. It's as if the only way for someone to get her to express her emotions is for someone to become endangered.  
  
Shinji....  
  
I'd like to say that he's pervert, but I know that to be a lie too well. This strange feeling hits me everytime I think about him. Oh sure, I make fun of him and I yell at him, but that's because I don't know what else to do.  
  
Poppa.....  
  
God, I hate him. I watched him practically screw other women right in front of momma. He'd claim that it was to 'help relieve the tension at work'. But I knew better, even back then. That bastard was flaunting himself all over. Then, when my mother wouldn't stand up to him, even after he slapped her with divorce papers, he just spat in her face and left.  
  
Momma.....  
  
I have to ask myself if I really resent her. She had such reliance on my father to provide things. I know she was a scientist herself, but she gave that up to raise me. I knew Poppa beat her when he'd get drunk. Soon, her life was annihilated down to two things. Poppa and me. She started to hallucinate, so the medics took her away. Then, it seemed as though she was getting better. Then I got picked for Eva piloting. I thought that the news alone might help her open up to everyone again. I ran home. And I saw her hanging from the ceiling.  
  
What would you do?  
  
I guess the doll had done something to Momma. From that day on, I hated dolls. After all, they had killed my momma. I vowed I'd never become a doll. I'd be a human being, not a human waiting. I guess that's why I hate Rei so much. No, I don't hate her. I hate lifeless dolls for what they took from me. The Rei I know isn't a doll. She's a human being as well. She has thoughts, does things. She's just reserved.  
  
When Misato told me what she had seen, I pitied Rei more. Can you imagine how hard it is? Knowing that it doesn't matter if you live or die, you'll just be replaced? That YOU have no actual value.  
  
Just like my Sync ratio.... Zero, nil, nada. Nothing.  
  
Like me.  
  
I guess the one anchor that I've had since childhood is finally gone. And it was a strong one. Except for minor sentimental ties, there's nothing to hold me down.  
  
Shinji....  
  
Shinji's a god now.  
  
Rei died and was reborn.  
  
Kaji's dead.  
  
Kaoru was an Angel.  
  
He stole my Eva.  
  
Kaoru stole everything.  
  
The Angels took everything.  
  
They'll take everything again and again and again.  
  
No.  
  
No more.  
  
They'll take nothing more.  
  
Not me. Not Shinji. Not the new Rei. Not Misato. Not Ritsuko. Not Gendo. Not Fuyutsuki. Not Maya. Not Makoto. Not Shigeru. Not Hikari. Not Kensuke. Not Touji. Not Touji's sister, Mari.  
  
They'll take nothing more.  
  
-------------------------  
  
"Misato, it's incredible!" Shinji said.  
"What is?" Misato asked.  
"Asuka! She's recovering!" Shinji said.  
Misato blinked.  
"What?!" Misato asked.  
"The doctors say she's making a full recovery! Come on!" Shinji said, pulling Misato with him.  
Misato and Shinji hurried into the room as Asuka pulled herself out of bed. Her sunken flesh wasn't as sunken as it used to be. Her eyes were lit with a stronger fire than they had been before.  
"Asuka!" Shinji said.  
"Shinji. You came." Asuka said, smiling tiredly.  
"Yes, I did." Shinji said, blushing.  
"Are you okay, Asuka?" Misato asked.  
"Yes, Misato, I am. AND I'M READY TO KICK SOME ANGEL BUTT!" Asuka said.  
Shinji and Misato blinked in surprise, then smiled. Asuka was almost back to her usual self. She'd be a bit darker and probably a lot more violent towards the Angels, but she was back. That's all they cared about.  
"Group hug!" Misato said, pulling Shinji and Asuka into a hug.  
  
==================================================================================  
  
I had to write this. I'm sorry, Asuka just seems to be cheated in life and I can't let that happen to anyone. Not even Gendo deserves a childhood like that.  
  
Speaking from the soul doesn't come naturally,  
because the soul does not need to speak.  
But when you know what it's saying, say what it says  
and don't be ashamed. Speaking from the soul doesn't mean you're weak.  
  
Some lame poetry that I made up. Yeah, I'm bad at it, but who cares. It's the message that it carries.  
  
I'll be continuing this series more. 


End file.
